Reflections...

Duno why, eversince we broke up, I have this habit of visitng her blog every single day to see if she had posted any new post. Sometime it's just wishing of me, to see if she would remember anything about me....Bullshit... Just a moment ago... I went to her blog again. But this time, I decided to read through all of the past post that we are still together. From this I think I actually learnt quite alot. Actually from the time we are together, I should have paid more attention to the content of her. Alot of her post actually starts to rant all the unhappiness about me during the last few months before we broke up. I admit that, I am being too complacent. I really regretted on this. I am not sensible or sensetive enough to notice this only until now. It's damm true, I don even know the basic and cant even fufill the basic of satisfying the needs of your partner when during the time together. I cant even meet the needs of her basic expectations. All I think about, was only about myself. I am too selfish to her. Thus resulting in this situation today.

So Lord, it seems like you had taught me another lesson today. Always pay close attention to the mood swing of the girl when together. Always be sensible and sensetive. Always make her feel save and comfortable.

Lord, please help me. I noe the idea of love is whereby if the girl that you loved is happy with another guy, you will natually feel happy about it. But this is really contradicting for me. When I think of them being together, It really starts my mood swing over and over again like a pandora box. I envy, I jealous, I even get so furious when I imagine the sights of them being together. I really dunno what to do anymore.

Lord, I sincerely pray to you, Please aid me to move on. I can't stuck in this situation forever. Please give me more ideas on what I should do for my future. I know that I am shamelessly weak and lean on you for help. But I reali duno what can keep me to move on. Should I really go for counselling? Should I attend more church meetings so that I can lean closer to you? I don't know... I really don't know...Please give me a sign! Lord! I sincerely beg of you!

If we are really fated, Lord, please bring her back to me. And I will swear that time, I will not let go of her hands. I will treat her dearly and never let her shred another tears, or be unhappy with me anymore. But for the meantime, I truly welcome you and Father to stay and my heart. Heal me. Empower me. Let me forget all these regrets and memories that me have to lorelle, for the time being.

Amen.